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Ruthless

by Waldemar

/
  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Format: 12" Double Vinyl (Black)
    Gatefold Jacket
    Includes lyric insert

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ruthless via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days

      $35 USD or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    CD Sleeve with artwork printed front and back and on the disc.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Ruthless via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days

      $12 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $10 USD  or more

     

1.
Limbo 05:56
I’m caught low David you want me to be so honest David you want me to be an artist I’m caught low These aren’t my roses in the garden Brennan said that all is sovereign I’m caught low In the shallows I could lie to pass it off With honesty would I be better off? I’m caught low Rawness please, in my lack of peace Honestly I’m afraid of being seen I’m caught low In limbo And I’m up fighting and fooling myself Smoking up in my fear and pride I cry I’m caught low It’s where I grow What’s the difference between poignancy and simple reckless cruelty? I’m caught low I lack faith so don’t believe Though I find you so gentle in the scenery I’m caught low In the shadows I’m the only one here Cause I only hear what I want to hear I’m caught low If all of me is on the table I can’t hide behind any fables when I bury my head in the chest of strange men hiding under my bed I’m caught low In limbo And I’m up fighting and fooling myself And I’m up tossing and crossing myself It’s hell Oh I’m losing myself in limbo, where the limbs grow I’m in love with a trust So ruthless, it’s so reckless
2.
Ruthless 05:34
I've read, I've watched, I've heard you speak a thousand times Hearing isn't always listening Hear me 
 I still have dreams of her in the night Sometimes I still only hear what I wanna hear And I wonder if I’ll ever be free 
 Content in the changing of the leaves Sometimes I still only hear what I wanna hear Can I live with never knowing? Can I love but never show it? 
 I'm giving up my giving To statues who never speak I'm giving up my singing To specters who never cease I'm doing away with all my doing In a trust I long to know Ruthless trust 
 Deconstruction of everything I thought I knew To find the truth 
 Oh Father may my will be done On my own terms Cause I only want what I want On my own terms I only hear what I want to hear 
 I’ve been a bell who’s never been wrung You want my trust You find it so enchanting I can’t believe Oh help me with my unbelief I can’t, you’ll have to carry me 
 I'm giving up my giving To statues who never speak I'm giving up my singing To specters who never cease I'm doing away with all my doing In a trust I long to know Ruthless trust
3.
Summer Rain 06:09
There's a summer rain coming over the valley As I make my way slow down the alley Linger longer than I need to At the end of my street There’s no cars for miles anywhere I see I’m thinking about you Like I often do 
 Am I anything without my pain? Am I anything without your name Running through my head? Hiding under my bed? 
 There’s a summer rain coming over the hillside Staring out the window into a misty morning light Watch the rings turn red Beneath the kettle on the stove I'm nursing the last cup Like I said I’d do an hour ago I'm just thinking about you Like you know I do 
 Am I anything without my pain? Am I anything without your name? Have I anything without my pain? I'm not anything without the rain Reminding me Honey I ain’t free I’ve tried to keep you outside Falling silently from the sky But you keep falling into my head And hiding under my bed 
 Won’t you get out of my head? Get the hell out of my bed
4.
Patience 05:07
I am worried that I am losing all of my salvation 
 The bed I’ve made is the bed I’ve laid With arms crossed At arms length 
 Shivering underneath the sheets I lie Afraid of a scarlet letter And deserved damnation 
 I’m running out of your patience I’m using every part of your grace 
 And I am worried that I am losing all of my salvation 
 I’m not confident that I won’t return again Repent, repent, repeat Defy, defy, deny 
 When will I be too numb, a willful hardened sum? When wayward sons lose their fathers name Oh I’m too naked and unashamed 
 I’m running out of your patience I’m using every part of your grace I’m running out of your patience
 Abusing every part of your grace
5.
Prophet 05:51
Shifting the suitcase From my hand to the other hand I’m so damn tired, I’m so wrung out I’ll lay it down I’ll lay it down 
 In a lovers quarrel with the world But I don’t feel like a prophet No I don’t know how to solve it 
 Getting off on calling out corruption But I don’t feel like a prophet No, I don’t know who could profit 
 If you’re gonna say something Well dammit Gabe say something But I don’t feel like a prophet I feel more like a harlot 
 All I know, all I know is this isn’t working For me 
 And now I’m ripping the boards from under my feet (Is this family?) Oh God they’re looser than they seemed (Or some great fantasy?) Are we so fragile? Are we so fragile? (Is this family?) Will I ever hit the bottom? (Or some great fantasy?) 
 The Devil is in office And all we need is the right revolution Every side says they’ll give us hope for a vote Every side is using fear and shame like a trope 
 The priests keep raping The worlds so violent But I don’t feel like a prophet No I don’t feel like a prophet 
 I’ve lost my faith I’ve lost my faith in The System But I don’t feel like a prophet I’m afraid of the Spirit Syndicate 
 All I know, all I know is this isn’t working For me 
 And now I’m ripping the boards from under my feet (Is this family?) Oh God they’re looser than they seemed (Or some great fantasy?) Are we so fragile? How are we so fragile? (Is this family?) Will I ever hit the bottom? (Or some great fantasy?) 
 Paralysis in analysis The Spirit Syndicate secret seeded, Stampeded, succeeded The worm will turn 
I’m crucified on the log in my eye I’m the hypocrite hanging on his left 
 The world's so violent Violent
6.
Ultimatum 05:07
Ultimatum Suffocate ‘em Intimate suffocation 
 All my good will Stitched in my quilt Let them be still Kill or be killed 
 All my good will Every next Thrill I am who I am Damn or be damned 
 My talents turned to musts Every joy burns up Turns to ashes in my cup It's a slow burn offering 
 I can't watch Amadeus I can never be that famous My gift is never great Elevated to his frame Music never holds me 
The way I want to hold it Mozart is alive and he is not I 
 Every vice Every habit Every trail of rabbits It’s a good thing misplaced My object of affection Turns to a Midas melting My lightest touch Turns gold to dust Why won't you give me What I long for you to make me? 
 And after all, I am still me Turned insufferable and intolerable The hole is never whole 
 Release my deities (oh joy!) Seized by fierce peace (joy!) Eagerly backsliding
7.
Torrid 03:32
Icicles hang from the skeletal oak in the yard And from my hollowed eyes And I lay underneath With a red eye 
 With the fallen leaves Where snowflakes rest On my chest Their icy bed The drift of my regret Is where I lay my winter head 
 And I'm stuck out in the snow It's just me and the crow That perch all alone With a red eye burning through the night 
 It can't be done anymore The lanterns froze on shore The ice is nipping at my toes As I pause to take in winters view Rolling hills of ice Rolling hills of lies I keep on moving to keep out the night With a red eye
8.
Longing 06:41
There’s a solace in the stillness Bathing in the amber wash of the fading sun And the calm dewy coolness Collecting in shadows casting in the East
 
 If I could only stay here If the stillness could last I’m always chasing the past 
 There’s an ocean in the sky I think I’ll sleep outside tonight Sheltered beneath a canopy of galaxies 
 Memories like sirens They’re calling, haunting Never satisfied in the present Im longing 
 Nostalgia is a river The more I drink, the more I’m dry Oh how I long to be satisfied 
 I’m chasing the dragon In between a blur of pines In a blur of highway lines 
 I’m summoning the Spirit Driving alone on Highway 61 I think I held It then With your feet on the dash Singing songs that we both knew Oh it’s all I want to do 
 Memories like sirens They’re calling, haunting Never satisfied in the present Im longing It’s so hard to get drunk On the lower reaches of Joy Oh what it would be like To drink from the Spring that satisfies Satisfied
9.
Union 06:21
I felt my feelings fray and fade away In a ring of gold That I’m still wearing It’s forged loose around my finger I slip it off to pretend that I’m alone 
 I’ve warmed you and scorned you I’m wretched and I’m kind I have left you all alone I’ve made you suffer my lover, my partner And my closest friend 
 Love is acceptance and love is shame Love is dependence and love is pain Love is struggle I will struggle with you I choose you 
 I regret at times that I’m afraid That I’ve ruined both of our lives We’ll wander for forty more ‘Til death does both of us part 
 I’ve been crippled by shame In the comfort of your embrace I’ve felt contempt for our commitment Content in my calloused heart 
 Love is frailty and eulogy Love is devotion and adultery Love is struggle I will struggle with you I choose you 
 There’s so many times that I have put us In a triangle of love In the arms of my first lover You’ve caught me in an affair with myself 
 But I am slowly seeing The beauty of a covenantal vow Love is a natural feeling Love is an unnatural choice 
 Love is riches and poverty Love is withholding and charity Love is struggle I will struggle with you 
 Love is sorrow and love is joy Love is a feeling and love’s a choice Love is struggle I will struggle with you 
 Love is struggle I will struggle with you I choose you
10.
Waldemar 05:18
Waldemar, 
 Your name's stitched in The collar of my favorite shirt The one I pulled out of your closet When you passed away 
 You were born into and out of The Great Depression Did you lose your expression When your brother lost his mind When he got back from the war? Was it those two things That made you a quiet man? 
 Or was it Reuben? The other brother Where I get my name Who was a hero in the war you did not fight And loved my dad the way he wanted to be loved And is now carried in my name Instead of on my back I wonder if you loved but just didn't know how 
 If I'm a carrier I drag it behind me If I'm a victim I don't want to know it All I know is it's hard to get out of bed And in the morning I lay and wonder if you're the one to blame And will my grandson wear my clothes But not share my name Or if I will be the break in the chain
11.
Trust 11:11
To what response does God look for from us in return for his love that knows no boundary, limit or breaking point? The splendor of the human heart that trusts it is loved unconditionally gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s ninth symphony, Van Gogh’s sunflowers, the sight of ten thousand butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom. 
 Why is trust such a rare and priceless treasure? Because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic. When the shadow of Jesus’ cross falls across our lives in its form of rejection, abandonment, loneliness, failure, unemployment, loss of income, depression. When the world around us is suddenly a hostile and a menacing place, when we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own heartache we may cry out in anguish, “But how could a loving God permit that to happen?” At that moment the seed of distrust is sown. 
 I am now utterly convinced that childlike surrender in trust is the defining spirit of authentic discipleship. And I would add that the supreme need in most of our lives is an unshaken, unfailing trust in the love of God. It’s the remedy for so much of our fear, and our anxiety, our melancholy, our self-hatred and our sickness. 
 The heart converted from mistrust to trust in the irreversible forgiveness is redeemed from the corrosive power of fear. The existential dread that salvation is reserved for the proper and the pious. The nameless fear that I’m predestined to backslide. The brooding pessimism that the good news of God's wild, passionate, orchestrally called the Furious Love of God is simply too good to be true. All these things combine to weave a thin membrane of distrust that keep us in a chronic state of anxiety. 
 The best definition of faith is, faith is the courage to accept acceptance. Of me as I am with all of my warts, flaws, with all my selfishness, dishonesty, degraded love. Right now with all of my shallow faith, my inconsistent discipleship, Jesus loves me and accepts me as I am and not as I should be, because I’m never going to be as I should be. 
 Is Your heart overflowing with compassion because they feel exiled from You? Do You see their entire lives right now as a cry of longing? A prayer of heartfelt longing? Longing for You alone. And the moment they call Your name will you sweep them up into Your arms and embrace them? 
 God is forever loving you and there is nothing you can do to increase his love for you, nothing you can do to diminish it. 
 If God stopped thinking of you, He would cease to exist 
 Fear is useless. What is needed is trust. 
 / 
 Everyone keeps telling me I look smaller now My dad is proud of me He says he’s seen me grow into a man The truth is I’m fading away Twenty-five pounds of flesh and blood Prune the limbs Break them down again 
 Growth requires decay The spring requires the cold Life requires a death Trust is all I have left 
 I am afraid my life doesn’t mean anything When I die I’ll fade out in the night Just another faceless name Ashes to dust what does it matter If I die old in my sleep or young with cancer? I want you to be real so bad I want you to be real so bad 
 Oh I’ve just worked so hard And now I’m weeping in the arms of my wife What is this grief? Is it the loss of a simple faith? Or have I come to see the depths of my idolatry? Can’t lift the veil Or balance the scales 
 Growth requires decay The spring requires the cold Life requires a death Trust is all I have left 
 Oh can it be that there’s someone that loves me? That the Ache that I feel When I look up at the night Is you pressing down on me? Grace, Trust, Rest, Peace Aging gracefully All I am is dust to dust All I need is ruthless trust 
 Trust
12.
Limbo 05:56
I’m caught low David you want me to be so honest David you want me to be an artist I’m caught low These aren’t my roses in the garden Brennan said that all is sovereign I’m caught low In the shallows I could lie to pass it off With honesty would I be better off? I’m caught low Rawness please, in my lack of peace Honestly I’m afraid of being seen I’m caught low In limbo And I’m up fighting and fooling myself Smoking up in my fear and pride I cry I’m caught low It’s where I grow What’s the difference between poignancy and simple reckless cruelty? I’m caught low I lack faith so don’t believe Though I find you so gentle in the scenery I’m caught low In the shadows I’m the only one here Cause I only hear what I want to hear I’m caught low If all of me is on the table I can’t hide behind any fables when I bury my head in the chest of strange men hiding under my bed I’m caught low In limbo And I’m up fighting and fooling myself And I’m up tossing and crossing myself It’s hell Oh I’m losing myself in limbo, where the limbs grow I’m in love with a trust So ruthless, it’s so reckless

about

'Ruthless' is the debut full length album by Waldemar.

Singer-songwriter Gabe Larson is the artistic gravity behind Waldemar, a heartland indie rock band (think The War on Drugs and The National with a dash of Willie Nelson), based in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Waldemar combines soaring vocals and poignant, confessional lyrics against a dense backdrop of sweeping guitar tapestries and synth textures to deliver a sonic freight train of an album. The new record Ruthless is a journeyman musician’s fixation, the renegade harmonies of a blue-collar poet.

Written and recorded over a span of five years, Ruthless is an act of remarkable patience and commitment. For two of those years, Larson spent every moment outside of his job sanding floors, painstakingly transforming a weathered, century-old horse barn on his property into a professional recording studio with his brother and bandmate Nick Larson. The studio is hidden in plain sight, nestled along an alley in Eau Claire’s North Side Hill, blocks away from the old Uniroyal tire factory. The setting is incredibly generative and inspiring. Across the street is an elementary school, complete with the sounds of laughing children at play, and in the industrial buildings nearby, hundreds of laborers maintain the neighborhood’s workaday heritage.

Ruthless is the relentless vision of a musician perfecting a sound. Cascades of guitars, synths and vocals wash over the listener like rivers polishing stone, like grit on grains of wood. But the album also represents a different generative experience: the recent birth of Larson’s daughter, Ruth. In this, the album is a poetic dovetailing of a craftsman musician honing his trade, and his young family begetting new life. In a Midwestern setting that gave rise to so many other American dreams, Ruthless is a testament to the power of struggle, that we are made by what we make.

credits

released May 5, 2023

Musicians: Gabe Larson, Nick Larson, Josh Garcia, John Roemhild, Colin Carey, Jordan Coffland, Ben Lester, Noah Reedy, Kayla Garcia, Sarah Olson, Tyler Henderson

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Waldemar Eau Claire, Wisconsin

Singer-songwriter Gabe Larson is the artistic gravity behind Waldemar, a heartland indie rock band, based in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Waldemar combines soaring vocals and poignant, confessional lyrics against a dense backdrop of sweeping guitar tapestries and synth textures to deliver a sonic freight train of an album, 'Ruthless' ... more

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