1. |
Limbo
05:56
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I’m caught low
David you want me to be so honest
David you want me to be an artist
I’m caught low
These aren’t my roses in the garden
Brennan said that all is sovereign
I’m caught low
In the shallows
I could lie to pass it off
With honesty would I be better off?
I’m caught low
Rawness please, in my lack of peace
Honestly I’m afraid of being seen
I’m caught low
In limbo
And I’m up fighting and fooling myself
Smoking up in my fear and pride
I cry
I’m caught low
It’s where I grow
What’s the difference between poignancy and simple reckless cruelty?
I’m caught low
I lack faith so don’t believe
Though I find you so gentle in the scenery
I’m caught low
In the shadows
I’m the only one here
Cause I only hear what I want to hear
I’m caught low
If all of me is on the table
I can’t hide behind any fables when I bury my head in the chest of strange men hiding under my bed
I’m caught low
In limbo
And I’m up fighting and fooling myself
And I’m up tossing and crossing myself
It’s hell
Oh I’m losing myself in limbo, where the limbs grow
I’m in love with a trust
So ruthless, it’s so reckless
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2. |
Ruthless
05:34
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I've read, I've watched,
I've heard you speak a thousand times
Hearing isn't always listening
Hear me
I still have dreams of her in the night
Sometimes I still only hear what I wanna hear
And I wonder if I’ll ever be free
Content in the changing of the leaves
Sometimes I still only hear what I wanna hear
Can I live with never knowing?
Can I love but never show it?
I'm giving up my giving
To statues who never speak
I'm giving up my singing
To specters who never cease
I'm doing away with all my doing
In a trust I long to know
Ruthless trust
Deconstruction of everything I thought I knew
To find the truth
Oh Father may my will be done
On my own terms
Cause I only want what I want
On my own terms
I only hear what I want to hear
I’ve been a bell who’s never been wrung
You want my trust
You find it so enchanting
I can’t believe
Oh help me with my unbelief
I can’t, you’ll have to carry me
I'm giving up my giving
To statues who never speak
I'm giving up my singing
To specters who never cease
I'm doing away with all my doing
In a trust I long to know
Ruthless trust
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3. |
Summer Rain
06:09
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There's a summer rain coming over the valley
As I make my way slow down the alley
Linger longer than I need to
At the end of my street
There’s no cars for miles anywhere I see
I’m thinking about you
Like I often do
Am I anything without my pain?
Am I anything without your name
Running through my head?
Hiding under my bed?
There’s a summer rain coming over the hillside
Staring out the window into a misty morning light
Watch the rings turn red
Beneath the kettle on the stove
I'm nursing the last cup
Like I said I’d do an hour ago
I'm just thinking about you
Like you know I do
Am I anything without my pain?
Am I anything without your name?
Have I anything without my pain?
I'm not anything without the rain
Reminding me
Honey I ain’t free
I’ve tried to keep you outside
Falling silently from the sky
But you keep falling into my head
And hiding under my bed
Won’t you get out of my head?
Get the hell out of my bed
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4. |
Patience
05:07
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I am worried that I am losing all of my salvation
The bed I’ve made is the bed I’ve laid
With arms crossed
At arms length
Shivering underneath the sheets I lie
Afraid of a scarlet letter
And deserved damnation
I’m running out of your patience
I’m using every part of your grace
And I am worried that I am losing all of my salvation
I’m not confident that I won’t return again
Repent, repent, repeat
Defy, defy, deny
When will I be too numb, a willful hardened sum?
When wayward sons lose their fathers name
Oh I’m too naked and unashamed
I’m running out of your patience
I’m using every part of your grace
I’m running out of your patience
Abusing every part of your grace
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5. |
Prophet
05:51
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Shifting the suitcase
From my hand to the other hand
I’m so damn tired, I’m so wrung out
I’ll lay it down
I’ll lay it down
In a lovers quarrel with the world
But I don’t feel like a prophet
No I don’t know how to solve it
Getting off on calling out corruption
But I don’t feel like a prophet
No, I don’t know who could profit
If you’re gonna say something
Well dammit Gabe say something
But I don’t feel like a prophet
I feel more like a harlot
All I know, all I know is this isn’t working
For me
And now I’m ripping the boards from under my feet (Is this family?)
Oh God they’re looser than they seemed
(Or some great fantasy?) Are we so fragile?
Are we so fragile? (Is this family?)
Will I ever hit the bottom?
(Or some great fantasy?)
The Devil is in office
And all we need is the right revolution
Every side says they’ll give us hope for a vote
Every side is using fear and shame like a trope
The priests keep raping
The worlds so violent
But I don’t feel like a prophet
No I don’t feel like a prophet
I’ve lost my faith
I’ve lost my faith in The System
But I don’t feel like a prophet
I’m afraid of the Spirit Syndicate
All I know, all I know is this isn’t working
For me
And now I’m ripping the boards from under my feet (Is this family?)
Oh God they’re looser than they seemed
(Or some great fantasy?) Are we so fragile?
How are we so fragile? (Is this family?)
Will I ever hit the bottom? (Or some great fantasy?)
Paralysis in analysis
The Spirit Syndicate secret seeded,
Stampeded, succeeded
The worm will turn
I’m crucified on the log in my eye
I’m the hypocrite hanging on his left
The world's so violent
Violent
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6. |
Ultimatum
05:07
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Ultimatum
Suffocate ‘em
Intimate suffocation
All my good will
Stitched in my quilt
Let them be still
Kill or be killed
All my good will
Every next Thrill
I am who I am
Damn or be damned
My talents turned to musts
Every joy burns up
Turns to ashes in my cup
It's a slow burn offering
I can't watch Amadeus
I can never be that famous
My gift is never great
Elevated to his frame
Music never holds me
The way I want to hold it
Mozart is alive and he is not I
Every vice
Every habit
Every trail of rabbits
It’s a good thing misplaced
My object of affection
Turns to a Midas melting
My lightest touch
Turns gold to dust
Why won't you give me
What I long for you to make me?
And after all, I am still me
Turned insufferable and intolerable
The hole is never whole
Release my deities (oh joy!)
Seized by fierce peace (joy!)
Eagerly backsliding
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7. |
Torrid
03:32
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Icicles hang from the skeletal oak in the yard
And from my hollowed eyes
And I lay underneath
With a red eye
With the fallen leaves
Where snowflakes rest
On my chest
Their icy bed
The drift of my regret
Is where I lay my winter head
And I'm stuck out in the snow
It's just me and the crow
That perch all alone
With a red eye burning through the night
It can't be done anymore
The lanterns froze on shore
The ice is nipping at my toes
As I pause to take in winters view
Rolling hills of ice
Rolling hills of lies
I keep on moving to keep out the night
With a red eye
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8. |
Longing
06:41
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There’s a solace in the stillness
Bathing in the amber wash of the fading sun
And the calm dewy coolness
Collecting in shadows casting in the East
If I could only stay here
If the stillness could last
I’m always chasing the past
There’s an ocean in the sky
I think I’ll sleep outside tonight
Sheltered beneath a canopy of galaxies
Memories like sirens
They’re calling, haunting
Never satisfied in the present
Im longing
Nostalgia is a river
The more I drink, the more I’m dry
Oh how I long to be satisfied
I’m chasing the dragon
In between a blur of pines
In a blur of highway lines
I’m summoning the Spirit
Driving alone on Highway 61
I think I held It then
With your feet on the dash
Singing songs that we both knew
Oh it’s all I want to do
Memories like sirens
They’re calling, haunting
Never satisfied in the present
Im longing
It’s so hard to get drunk
On the lower reaches of Joy
Oh what it would be like
To drink from the Spring that satisfies
Satisfied
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9. |
Union
06:21
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I felt my feelings fray and fade away
In a ring of gold
That I’m still wearing
It’s forged loose around my finger
I slip it off to pretend that I’m alone
I’ve warmed you and scorned you
I’m wretched and I’m kind
I have left you all alone
I’ve made you suffer my lover, my partner
And my closest friend
Love is acceptance and love is shame
Love is dependence and love is pain
Love is struggle
I will struggle with you
I choose you
I regret at times that I’m afraid
That I’ve ruined both of our lives
We’ll wander for forty more
‘Til death does both of us part
I’ve been crippled by shame
In the comfort of your embrace
I’ve felt contempt for our commitment
Content in my calloused heart
Love is frailty and eulogy
Love is devotion and adultery
Love is struggle
I will struggle with you
I choose you
There’s so many times that I have put us
In a triangle of love
In the arms of my first lover
You’ve caught me in an affair with myself
But I am slowly seeing
The beauty of a covenantal vow
Love is a natural feeling
Love is an unnatural choice
Love is riches and poverty
Love is withholding and charity
Love is struggle
I will struggle with you
Love is sorrow and love is joy
Love is a feeling and love’s a choice
Love is struggle
I will struggle with you
Love is struggle
I will struggle with you
I choose you
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10. |
Waldemar
05:18
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Waldemar,
Your name's stitched in
The collar of my favorite shirt
The one I pulled out of your closet
When you passed away
You were born into and out of
The Great Depression
Did you lose your expression
When your brother lost his mind
When he got back from the war?
Was it those two things
That made you a quiet man?
Or was it Reuben?
The other brother
Where I get my name
Who was a hero in the war you did not fight
And loved my dad the way he wanted to be loved
And is now carried in my name
Instead of on my back
I wonder if you loved but just didn't know how
If I'm a carrier I drag it behind me
If I'm a victim I don't want to know it
All I know is it's hard to get out of bed
And in the morning
I lay and wonder if you're the one to blame
And will my grandson wear my clothes
But not share my name
Or if I will be the break in the chain
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11. |
Trust
11:11
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To what response does God look for from us in return for his love that knows no boundary, limit or breaking point? The splendor of the human heart that trusts it is loved unconditionally gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven’s ninth symphony, Van Gogh’s sunflowers, the sight of ten thousand butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom.
Why is trust such a rare and priceless treasure? Because it often demands a degree of courage that borders on the heroic. When the shadow of Jesus’ cross falls across our lives in its form of rejection, abandonment, loneliness, failure, unemployment, loss of income, depression. When the world around us is suddenly a hostile and a menacing place, when we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our own heartache we may cry out in anguish, “But how could a loving God permit that to happen?” At that moment the seed of distrust is sown.
I am now utterly convinced that childlike surrender in trust is the defining spirit of authentic discipleship. And I would add that the supreme need in most of our lives is an unshaken, unfailing trust in the love of God. It’s the remedy for so much of our fear, and our anxiety, our melancholy, our self-hatred and our sickness.
The heart converted from mistrust to trust in the irreversible forgiveness is redeemed from the corrosive power of fear. The existential dread that salvation is reserved for the proper and the pious. The nameless fear that I’m predestined to backslide. The brooding pessimism that the good news of God's wild, passionate, orchestrally called the Furious Love of God is simply too good to be true. All these things combine to weave a thin membrane of distrust that keep us in a chronic state of anxiety.
The best definition of faith is, faith is the courage to accept acceptance. Of me as I am with all of my warts, flaws, with all my selfishness, dishonesty, degraded love. Right now with all of my shallow faith, my inconsistent discipleship, Jesus loves me and accepts me as I am and not as I should be, because I’m never going to be as I should be.
Is Your heart overflowing with compassion because they feel exiled from You? Do You see their entire lives right now as a cry of longing? A prayer of heartfelt longing? Longing for You alone. And the moment they call Your name will you sweep them up into Your arms and embrace them?
God is forever loving you and there is nothing you can do to increase his love for you, nothing you can do to diminish it.
If God stopped thinking of you, He would cease to exist
Fear is useless. What is needed is trust.
/
Everyone keeps telling me I look smaller now
My dad is proud of me
He says he’s seen me grow into a man
The truth is I’m fading away
Twenty-five pounds of flesh and blood
Prune the limbs
Break them down again
Growth requires decay
The spring requires the cold
Life requires a death
Trust is all I have left
I am afraid my life doesn’t mean anything
When I die I’ll fade out in the night
Just another faceless name
Ashes to dust what does it matter
If I die old in my sleep or young with cancer?
I want you to be real so bad
I want you to be real so bad
Oh I’ve just worked so hard
And now I’m weeping in the arms of my wife
What is this grief?
Is it the loss of a simple faith?
Or have I come to see the depths of my idolatry?
Can’t lift the veil
Or balance the scales
Growth requires decay
The spring requires the cold
Life requires a death
Trust is all I have left
Oh can it be that there’s someone that loves me?
That the Ache that I feel
When I look up at the night
Is you pressing down on me?
Grace, Trust, Rest, Peace
Aging gracefully
All I am is dust to dust
All I need is ruthless trust
Trust
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12. |
Limbo
05:56
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I’m caught low
David you want me to be so honest
David you want me to be an artist
I’m caught low
These aren’t my roses in the garden
Brennan said that all is sovereign
I’m caught low
In the shallows
I could lie to pass it off
With honesty would I be better off?
I’m caught low
Rawness please, in my lack of peace
Honestly I’m afraid of being seen
I’m caught low
In limbo
And I’m up fighting and fooling myself
Smoking up in my fear and pride
I cry
I’m caught low
It’s where I grow
What’s the difference between poignancy and simple reckless cruelty?
I’m caught low
I lack faith so don’t believe
Though I find you so gentle in the scenery
I’m caught low
In the shadows
I’m the only one here
Cause I only hear what I want to hear
I’m caught low
If all of me is on the table
I can’t hide behind any fables when I bury my head in the chest of strange men hiding under my bed
I’m caught low
In limbo
And I’m up fighting and fooling myself
And I’m up tossing and crossing myself
It’s hell
Oh I’m losing myself in limbo, where the limbs grow
I’m in love with a trust
So ruthless, it’s so reckless
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Waldemar Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Singer-songwriter Gabe Larson is the artistic gravity behind Waldemar, a heartland indie rock band, based in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Waldemar combines soaring vocals and poignant, confessional lyrics against a dense backdrop of sweeping guitar tapestries and synth textures to deliver a sonic freight train of an album, 'Ruthless' ... more
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